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The purple quilt of courage

July 12, 2012
by Dennis Grantham, Editor-in-Chief
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How an unexpected gift helped me say goodbye to my sister, Maureen.

Between the ferocious anger and tearful relief that characterized the responses of the most ardent activists to the recent Supreme Court decision about the Affordable Care Act, there are many more Americans who, regardless of any legislation, simply devote themselves to living, working, and praying for a million smaller healthcare solutions every day. These are the people who bring hope to the broken, relief to the suffering, and courage to the desperate in the life and death, sickness and health struggles that take place every day. Let me tell you about a few of them--the prayer quilters of Hudson, Ohio--and what they meant to my sister and to me.

 

In May, I with my brothers and sisters, received awful news about our sister Maureen. She, after an 11-year struggle with breast cancer, was told by her longtime doctor that there were no treatment options left. The shock of this news prompted Maureen to call me, her closest sibling, to explain.  

Maureen never was very good at explaining things like this because a part of her simply would not countenance, let alone speak about, the thought of death. But, she did her best. She told me that her doctors thought it was time for a break from treatment, a respite that might offer time for a creeping neuropathy, likely caused by years of chemotherapy, to recede. This, she noted, might give her the chance to regain some of the strength, feeling, and function that had been sapped from her arms and legs. With some skepticism, I bought the story because when I’d last seen her in March, Maureen remained quite determined and very much alive.  The plan, she said, would be to set up for hospice care at her home—the only non-hospital treatment option open to her—and hope for the best.

Maureen always maintained that she had beaten the odds, year after year, through sheer “stubbornness,” a signature trait of her character. This trait saw her through everything from athletic achievement (a varsity letter just two months into her freshman year in high school), to years of reconstructive surgery after a devastating automobile accident, to news a decade later, at age 39, of an aggressive breast cancer. While she passed the age of 50 in March, Maureen’s resilience had long ago passed from practical fact into family legend. A lesser soul might have died long ago. Maureen simply refused.

In early June, Maureen, now bedridden, got another shock. Doctors told her that she had a carcinomatous meningitis—a spread of metastatic disease throughout her brain and nervous system.  This, not chemo-induced neuropathy, was the cause of the advancing paralysis that now confined her to a hospice bed in her home.  And this, I learned after a bit of medical research, would not respond to any respite:  it would mean her death.  

A day or two later at church, I shared this news with a fellow parishioner, Lori, who had recently recovered after treatment for a serious lymphoma.  She listened sympathetically, then took me aside and said, “Let’s get your sister a prayer quilt.” She walked me into her parish office and took out a bag containing a number of neatly folded, nearly finished quilts, beautifully hand-made by a group of local women from several churches to comfort the seriously ill. “Which one would she like?” Lori asked. After a moment’s thought, I pointed to one made with purple and orchid flowered squares, framed in crisp white. “That one,” I said.

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Dennis Grantham

Dennis Grantham

@BH_dgrantham

www.behavioral.net